For a good amount of years in my life i had worked and studied, i had so many plans of all the different things in life i wanted to experience and the places that i wanted to go. Sometimes i feel that because i wanted to do so much, i didn't know where or how to begin this journey, then one day that all changed.
2009 was a year for me which i felt like i fell into a hole and i just continued to fall, i mentally visited places i never knew existed. Within the first 6months of that year i left my job, completed a course and fell pregnant, for the first time in my life i felt like i had nothing. I have never felt SO ALONE.
When i discovered that i was pregnant i thought it was a dream and from then up until this very day all i had been doing was waiting to wake up. For the first few weeks i didn't know where my head was, i was so confused. The one person i wanted and needed support from at that time wasn't there for me, i felt SO ALONE.
In my mind i was telling myself that it wasn't real so i went to my first scan to make myself believe that this was really happening and that i was running out of time to decide whether or not i was ready to take on the challenge of becoming a mother and if i wanted to.
We went to the scan together and i was a bit excited to be honest but when i saw that tiny foetus on the screen all i kept telling myself that there was no way that could be inside me.
As time passed by my relationship was falling apart, the stress was intense, i went to sleep at night wishing i would wake up in a different place.
Trying to scream, but no sound coming out!
Crying, silent, deadly tears!
Looking for a way out, when feeling trapped!
Calling out for help, but not being heard!
Heart racing!!
Hormones raging!!
Anxious, frustrated!
Feeling like i was soon to drown in my own tears!
I wanted to run, but didn't know where to go!!
Sleeping with soggy, wet tissues at night, praying that i wake out of this nightmare
Resting my head on a damp pillow with an empty heart!
I was broken and i thought i'd lost all my strength.
The worst part was that i thought i was actually losing my mind!!......................................................................................................
TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. WE LIVE AND WE LEARN!!!!
